Support for families & friends of LGBTQIA+ individuals
Jesus never looked the other way, and neither should we
Navigating your feelings about your loved ones’ identities
Do you have a friend or family member who’s just come out as part of the LGBTQIA+ community?
Maybe you’re confused or concerned about this new information. Maybe you want to learn more about what this means for them as a person, how this can fit into your faith or theirs, or how you can best be there for them.
Whatever the case, we’re here to support you in supporting them.
Members of the LGBTQIA+ community are 2.5 times as likely as straight, cisgender individuals to experience depression, anxiety, and risky substance use. Because of this, the risk of suicide is also increased.
You may wonder if your family member or friend's identity is the problem here, but we know that isn’t the case. It’s the social stigma, stress of being marginalized, lack of support, and difficulty accessing help that causes this significant difference. Because the church has played a role in causing and reinforcing the social stigma, it makes religious family members and friends hesitant to reach out to us for support.We believe it can.
Many of us already know how the support of a faith community helps us in our day-to-day life, and now there is evidence that supporting your LGBTQIA+ friend or family member makes a literal life-and-death difference.
A survey conducted by The Trevor Project showed that having just one adult in their lives who supported and affirmed them lowered the risk of suicide for LGBTQIA+ youth.
Stories from Families & Friends
Getting to Know LGBTQIA+ Identities
LGBTQIA+ is an acronym that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, intersex, and asexual. The "+" symbolizes additional identities beyond the acronym, encompassing diverse and evolving expressions of gender and sexuality.
Often used to describe a woman who is attracted to other women, the term "lesbian" can also include nonbinary individuals in some interpretations. Additionally, some nonbinary people identify as lesbian.
Typically used to refer to a man who is attracted to other men, the term "gay" was once commonly applied as a broad label for all LGBTQ+ individuals. However, more inclusive terms such as "LGBTQ+" or "queer" are now preferred to represent the entire community.
Refers to someone who is attracted to more than one gender. A person identifying as bisexual doesn’t need to have had equal experiences with people of different genders—or any sexual experience at all—to claim this identity. While traditionally described as attraction to “both” genders, the understanding of bisexuality has evolved to include attraction to individuals beyond the gender binary
Is someone whose gender identity does not align with the gender they were assigned at birth. Here are a few key points about transgender experiences:
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The term can serve as both an individual identity and an umbrella term that includes various gender identities, such as nonbinary identities.
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Transgender people come from diverse experiences and backgrounds, and not all choose to or can undergo a transition. Each person’s transition journey is unique.
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"Trans" is a commonly used shorthand for transgender.
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Queer may be used as an umbrella term for the LGBTQIA+ community, generally only by community members and trusted allies. Because of its history as a hateful slur, the word "queer" can be triggering for many LGBTQIA+ elders—even as younger generations reclaim it proudly. As with all terms, you should not assume others' comfort level and you should ask your LGBTQIA+ family members or friends before you use it.
This refers to an individual who is exploring or questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity and has not yet adopted a specific label to describe these aspects of themselves.
Intersex is a physical condition in which an individual's sex traits or reproductive anatomy do not fit typical definitions of male or female. It’s an umbrella term encompassing a range of variations in characteristics like genitals, chromosomes, or reproductive organs, which may be present at birth or emerge later in life.
Asexual, or "Ace," refers to someone who experiences little to no sexual attraction. Although many asexual individuals seek emotionally intimate relationships, they typically do not view sex as a means of expressing that intimacy.
The "+" represents all sexual orientations and gender identities not explicitly included in the acronym's letters. The "+" serves to acknowledge and include the diverse range of identities within the LGBTQ+ community, emphasizing its inclusivity
A church that fully embraces and supports LGBTQIA+ individuals, affirming their identities as sacred and equal. Affirming churches often welcome LGBTQIA+ people into all aspects of church life, including leadership, marriage, and ministry.
Words used to refer to someone in place of their name (e.g., he/him, she/her, they/them). Using a person’s correct pronouns is a sign of respect and recognition of their gender identity.
Myths & Misconceptions
Myth
Being gay or transgender is unnatural
Fact
There are many examples of homosexuality and gender nonconformity in other parts of God’s creation; everywhere from fishes to penguins, from lions to sheep, this diversity is something to be celebrated, not silenced.
Myth
Being LGBTQIA+ is a choice
Fact
While geneticists have not yet found a gene that makes someone LGBTQIA+, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that attempts to “choose” a different path are detrimental to the person mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Myth
Being LGBTQIA+ can be “corrected” with prayer
Fact
When we say this, we call into question the faith of every person who has tried and failed to change someone’s identity through prayer. At the same time, we assert that this is a “mistake” that needs to be “corrected.” We believe in a God who does not make mistakes, so this cannot be true.
Becoming a Strong Ally
Support your LGBTQIA+ family members and friends as you would any loved one: celebrate their joys, share in their sorrows, listen openly, and love fully.
You can start by respecting their preferred pronouns and, when appropriate, helping others do the same. Remember, being trusted with someone’s authentic self is an honor—try to respond with curiosity instead of judgment.
True allies advocate. As you grow, recognize the impact of marginalization and commit to supporting your loved ones through meaningful advocacy.
Tools & Resources
Counseling and therapy
PFLAG
PFLAG is the nation's largest organization dedicated to supporting, educating, and advocating for LGBTQ+ people and those who love them.
FreedHearts
FreedHearts is a 501c3 nonprofit charitable organization working to deconstruct religious baggage with laughter and love. Their mission is to change the human conversation on love and inclusion.
Integrative Family Counseling & Psychology
Team of LGBTQIA+-focused therapists.
